Thought of the Week

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Your childhood is not your fault, but your adulthood is.

Most of us have experienced emotional and psychological trauma on some level throughout our childhood. When I say trauma, I’m not talking about physical or sexual abuse (although that does happen and needs to be addressed with a licensed-therapist), I’m talking about the traumas that occur as a normal part of childhood, often caused by well meaning parents, who subconsciously grew into a reflection of their own childhood.

We have inherited patterns of beliefs and behaviors from our parents and society that we learn to react to and develop response patterns. We are told and taught in our childhood how to get love and approval, how to relate to others as well as the role of work and family and what life is about. These patterns are essential for survival in childhood, but become unhealthy patterns later in adult life and will look like…

🚫fixing others
🚫people pleasing
🚫codependency
🚫external validation
🚫fear of abandonment
🚫de-prioritizing your own needs
🚫needing to prove yourself
🚫tolerating abusive behavior
🚫attracting narcissistic partners
🚫difficult setting boundaries

If you find yourself in one or more of the unhealthy patterns above, then you need to get curious. Not judgmental, but curious. Start exploring these suffering beliefs and behaviors by getting curious. Ask yourself…

💜From whom did I learn to be this way?
💜Who was like that in my childhood?
💜What did I observe between my parents?
💜Were my needs overlooked as a child that I look for love only from people who abandon me – like my parents? Do I abandon myself and/or others?

Our goal is not to get rid of the patterns, but to rewrite them, diminishing their power over us. When you take responsibility for your own shortcomings and seek to heal them, you can BREAK the cycle! Life is all about choices. It is important to slow down and take the time to figure out what you need and want. You can either play the ‘poor me’ card and keep suffering through lift OR you can take responsibility for your life, rewrite your own beliefs and be a better version of yourself.

Published: 03/01/2021

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